Sail-eberty death match, outers vs. inners
by Golden Solaris
Summary: The outer senshi vs. the inners... Will Venus's hearts be enough, or will the jello get the best of saturn again?


Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon, Don't sue me, I'm broke.  
  
OUTERS vs INNERS!  
  
  
  
Sailor Enigma: Hey bay-bee! Welcome to yet another fantabu edition of everyone's favourite gameshow, Hollywood Circles! Wooooooo! Ummm... err.... I mean... here we are, back again for fight #something I forget! And this week we get to meet our final announcer! Tuxedo Manga!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *flips into the arena wearing xena outfit* *does Xena yell* ARGH!  
  
Sailor Enigma:Omygod! I love your hair! Who did your make up? ^_^  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *poofs hair* Well...*blushes* Whoops. *ahem* *cough* *takes cardboard chakram off and flings it at Enigma for making fun of his fashion sense*  
  
Sailor Enigma: *grabs it and puts it on her head* Woooo! *peace sign* flower power! Anyways, this week we have an interesting fight for you all! There is some real strong opinions going head to head here. Whatchoo think, Mango? Tuxedo Manga: *ponders* Well...I'm going to say Outers, just because of their wacky and innovative use of hair dye...and the whole maturity thing but thats just a little irrelevant ^_~  
  
Sailor Enigma: : I must agree in that the outers definitely have one advantage: Green hair. ^_^ But, the inners outnumber the outers... and Moon is just a lil powerful type person. The inners be got skills man! I think the deciding factor will be Mercury. She's got smarts up the wazoo and the Outers just don't have brain power that can compete with that....  
  
Tuxedo Manga: You may be right Callmeishmael! But that would make me wrong and thats extremely unlikely...hmmmm....what a dillema.  
  
Sailor Enigma: *sigh* Plus... the people who hope for the Outers have forgotten one thing: Saturn's weakness for lime jello. Yes, we all know about that, and hopefully sometime she'll actually bring gorditas back for us *drool*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Sshhhh! Don't spread Saturn's weakness across the web! *pro- Saturn agents come in and smack Enigma* *laughs*  
  
Sailor Enigma: Hey! Don't be spreading bad stuff about Enigma and her knowledge of Saturn's weakness! *pro-Enigma agents come and feed Tux lima beans*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! *lima bean smell liquidates Tux* *oozes away from Enigma*  
  
Sailor Enigma: *urp* mmmmm  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Well we know what the little people think! Lets get to the fight! *gets feisty*  
  
Gong: DONG!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: The gong said DONG so that must mean: "Its clobberin time!" Ew...bad comic book reference.  
  
Sailor Enigma: Wooo! Look! Sailorvenus is jumping around smacking the outers with her chain! She's going berserko! Tuxedo Manga: And Sailormoon is just standing there posing up a storm! *pulls out giant novelty finger that says "Go Venus!"*  
  
Sailor Enigma: *sob* You people never cheer for the underdog! *waves her "Go Ami" flag*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Hey! I'm adequately pro-Ami! *pulls out official pro-Ami card* See? *sticks out tongue*  
  
Sailor Enigma: *shakes head* Bah! Oooh! Look! I don't think Haruka is so pro-Ami... she just fired a world shaking at her! eee! I can't watch! *covers eyes*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: But I can! *pulls out one shot camera and snaps* *does the World Shaking dance* WOO! Sailormoon has just leaped onto Pluto's shoulders and started pulling her hair! CATFIGHT! *pulls out another one shot camera and takes a picture*  
  
Sailor Enigma: Omygod! Look! *Marilyn Manson runs into the arena chased by the Starlights*  
  
Sailor Starlights: Give us our boobs back!!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *hides behind Enigma* He scares me....not Manson....TAIKI! *shivers*  
  
Sailor Enigma: They're gone now! Oh look! Sailorjupiter and Sailormars start firing attacks! The mandala smacks into a wall, but the thunder has successfully smacked into Neptune! She fell over.... oh dear, look at her hair! Uranus does not look too pleased....  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Uranus is sprinting after Jupiter! RUN JUPITER RUN! Wait! Mercury looks to be charging an attack! *giant poot is heard* Whoops. I guess she's just gassy.  
  
Sailor Enigma: How elegant Ami. ^_^ Sailormoon sticks her foot out and Uranus falls over! Haruka gives Moon a really icy look... causing her to run and hide behind Venus.... While Uranus starts to scuffle with Mars and Jupiter, Moon fires a Moon Gorgeous Meditation buuuuutttt..  
  
Sailorsaturn: SILENCE WALL!!!!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *gets jiggy with it* You go Saturn...you go Saturn..GO GO! *snaps out of it* The attack is blocked! Uranus shifts her focus back to Moon! Uh-oh! She better get out of there!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Sailormoon starts crying! Uranus slips on the tears and falls again! OUCH! ....oh no! look!  
  
*Marilyn Manson runs away from Starlights*  
  
Sailorstarhealer: EVERYONE! WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! MARILYN IS A MAC USER!  
  
Sailor Enigma: AHHHHHHH!!!!!! *faints in terror* *twitches*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Everyone please remain seated! Do NOT run frantically from the Mac user! We have the situation under control!  
  
Sailoruranus: *runs up to Manson* *punches him the nose* THAT'S FOR WINDOWS YOU PSYCHOPATH!  
  
Sailor Enigma: *looks up from the table she is cowering under* The elves are dragging Manson away.... and the fight continues  
  
Sailormercury: Shabon spray!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: The arena is covered in a funky fog! Look! The Outers are dazed and disorganized! The Inners seem used to the fog!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Sailormoon starts to flip her pigtails!  
  
Sailormoon: This humidity isn't very good for my hair!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *gags*  
  
Sailor Enigma: Mars sees the opportunity in the fog and charges into the fog... I can't see!  
  
Sailormars: Burning MANDALA!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Mars has just launched her famous burning rings toward Saturn!  
  
Sailor Enigma: : Unfortunately.... Saturn flies back and hits a button on the wall..... a large squish is heard as a block of lime jell-o lands on Saturn......  
  
Sailorsaturn: mmmm..... gorditas! Gorditas!  
  
Taco Bell Dog: Yo quiero Taco Bell  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *bands frantically on the desk* GET UP SATURN! For the love of GOD! GET UP! *med units rush out to Saturn*  
  
Sailor Enigma: *hangs head* It's too late for her.  
  
*Saturn wobbles around the arena mumbling about gorditas*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *sweatdrop* This is a sad saaaad day for SDM...  
  
Sailorneptune: Submarine reflection!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Oooh! Little sparkly things are flying all around the arena, clearing up the fog! It's like a disco! *discos*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Its not cheesy seventies music! Its NEPTUNE! *pulls out Neptune trading cards and doll set* I have it all! *cheeses*  
  
Sailor Enigma:Look at this! Sailorjupiter runs over and punches Neptune in the face! Ouch.... but then Minako runs over and starts kicking her.... Pluto runs over to defend Michi.... carnage! Pure carnage!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *starts to scream in terror* Neptune! NO NOT THE FACE! *grips Neptune doll tightly* *pulls out Jupiter doll and starts stabbing it in the eyes* TAKE THIS! AND THIS!! *pulls it together* Pluto has just beaned Jupiter in the back of the head with her staff! And now Venus has busted out her Love and Beauty Shock heart!  
  
Sailorvenus: Venus love and beauty shock!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Its flying uncontrollably around the arena!  
  
Sailor Enigma: *ducks and narrowly misses flying heart* Don't do that to perfectly good Jupiter merchandise! *smacks Tux on the head with his cardboard shakrum* Neptune has started to kick Venus in the shins! But Jupiter pulls her off and shoves her into Uranus..... Saturn is sitting there sucking her thumb mumbling about gorditas.....  
  
Tuxedo Manga: OH the humanity! Look! Uranus has just gotten fed up with all of this and just booted Venus into Jupiter! She's picking up Saturn! Oh my GOD what is she DOING? *Saturn is flung toward the audience* She's gone insane!  
  
Sailoruranus: Oooga boooga!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Oh dear! I haven't every seen anything like this in my entire career as an announcer....  
  
Sailoruranus: OOOGEDY BOOGEDY!!!  
  
*Elves run in with tranquilizer gun and attempt to shoot Uranus*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *hides under the table*  
  
Sailor Enigma: They missed! They're out of darts.... its up to the inner senshi!  
  
Sailormoon: Moon tiara action!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: The tiara is bouncing around the arena ala Xena: Warrior Princess! (Shameless plug) Its heading straight for the back of Mars's head! Duck!! Run little people RUN! Faster or their'll be no gifts for the children this year! Santa can't work ALONE!!  
  
Duck: Quack!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *stares at the duck* *coughs* And the puns keep a rolling.  
  
Sailor Enigma: Mars did duck! But it wacks Uranus in the chest and..... ewwwwww.... there's a hole! But Neptune and Pluto are still left!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *stunned* Uranus IS a woman after all!  
  
Sailor Enigma: OMYGOD! LOOOK! *Marilyn Manson runs across arena chased by Starlights*  
  
Sailorstarfighter: He stole my gum!  
  
Sailorstarhealer: ATTENTION EVERYONE! MARILYN MANSON HAS A PET MUTANT LIMA BEAN! Sailor Enigma: : *faints in terror* *twitches*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *whistles* *elves come and fan Enigma* Look! Saturn has awoken in the stands...and after hearing that shocking and frankly disturbing news, is aiming her Glaive in the direction of Manson and the Starlights! Uh-oh. Sailor Callisto: She starts firing gorditas at them! ahhhhh! But the inners gotta finish the fight.........  
  
Sailormercury: SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Neptune is frozen into a block of ice! Uh oh.... Venus comes and ties it up with her chain, attaches it to a crane and it raises up above the arena....  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *pulls out hot Pepsi* Maybe now I'll get some ice! *licks lips*  
  
Sailor Enigma: *points to food replicator* Anyways. Only Pluto is next.... all the inners are still standing..... she steps into a vortex and disappears! But Mercury starts typing away on her computer....  
  
Tuxedo Manga: She appears to be trying to get a lock on Pluto's location!  
  
Sailormercury: Eureka! *does Umino-esque pose*  
  
Tuxedo Manga: I think she's got her! *Pluto appears above Mercury and goes flying downward at her*  
  
Sailor Enigma: Ouch! She lands right on top of Merc *ew* and then......  
  
Sailormoon: Moon spiral heart attack!  
  
Sailor Enigma: Pluto is.... gone.....  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *SOB* *sniffles* *blows nose on tissue* I only have one question! Where has Moon been all this time? Whats that I see on her bow? It appears to be...half eaten LIMA BEANS??!!!  
  
Sailor Enigma: No! Look! Marilyn Manson bolts across the arena followed by a mutant lima bean! NOOOOO!!!! Tuxedo Manga: Mars has just set the mutant lima bean ablaze! He's BURNING! Wait...I see something! Under the lima bean skin...its...its...PLUTO?? (Far fetched explanation: Pluto was somehow launched back in time after SM's attacked and disguised herself as a mutant lima bean to disrupt the fight.)  
  
Sailor Enigma: How can she survive in such putrid conditions? Ewww! Maybe she is made of lima beans! Sailormoon: *drool* Lima beans.. *starts taking random  
  
Tuxedo Manga: Someone get the hose!!!! She's eating her alive! AAA! *covers eyes* *gets into a fetil position and rocks back and forth*  
  
Sailor Enigma: AHHHHHH!!!!!!! *grabs onto Tux's leg and cries* *elves come in and perform relaxing theraputic breathing exercizes*  
  
Sailor Enigma: : *relieved* *looks down into arena* Eww! moon is laying there, belching, and Pluto is gone... nothin much left but some lima bean crumbs.....  
  
Tuxedo Manga: And the Inners seem to be either mentally scarred or unconscious!  
  
Sailor Enigma: And the Starlights are still chasing poor Marilyn to get their boobs back. ^_^ This fight is OVAH! inners win!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: *sigh* Well I guess you WERE right after all! I'm just glad I came out of this with no permanent forms of psychosis...which is much more than I can say for Mars, Venus, Mercury and Jupiter.  
  
Sailor Enigma: *smirk* Thanks for visiting!  
  
Tuxedo Manga: And I'll see you in a couple of fights! Bye!  
  
Sailor Enigma: : *wanders off to search for leftover gorditas* 


End file.
